Is Caboose too stupid? Did I make him too S-M-R-T? Did he got pants time mixed up with food time?

Tell me here or send me an IM at flyingdoggurl. Oh, god. How the hell do I turn the keys on this thing?

Um...

If anybody needs any orange juice or wants me to give someone else a eulogy... I can do it!

Um.

I think the House had forgotten that we are not vampires.

Or are we?

Wait.

*Some shuffling is heard, as Caboose sees himself in the mirror.*

Yeaaaaah, I think the House forgot.

Or maybe it's Kool-Aid...

PFFFFFFFFT.

*Sadder.* No... it's not.

So... the House... is an Asian person...

Does this mean we're in Asia? I always wanted to see Big Ben.

I don't think this should be put in picture books.

Shelly, you lied to me! You told me you were a girl. Now I think I'm going to have to change your name to... Sam... Sammy...

(ooc: Caboose did research! He finally finds out that slugs are hermaphrodites! 8D)

This is... the coolest thing... ever... of all time.

I AM A POWER RANGER!! *Excited excited!*

Except I don't even need a morpher thingy! I'm not complaining. This suit is very very comfy. But I don't want to be a villain. Isn't a power ranger supposed to be a good guy?

*Caboose runs down the hall with his assault rifle in hand.*

I AM THE INFRAGABLE CABOOSE!

(ooc: Caboose will be a villain with the power of immortality. So try killing him all you want, this guy won't die. But hey, he's an idiot who doesn't want to be a villain. Try messing him around all you want heroes and villains and civilians out there. 8D

Oh yeah, he's wearing this because it makes him happy. He has no ~ranger powers~. He just has the costume.)

*Caboose is sitting in the kitchen with a nice cup of coffee (decaf!). Those who would look over the table to see what he could be scribbling on a notepad will see this:*



This wasn't so difficult. Perhaps I should ask someone else if they have a more challenging puzzle. *He flips his voice command open and speaks. Those who listen should note that Caboose sounds intelligent.*

Excuse me, this is Michael J. Caboose speaking. Would anyone care to lend me their Sudoku pads if they have any? I have solved all of the ones in mine, including the expert mode. I do hope to be challenged one day. This is much too easy.

(ooc: Caboose will be smart, intelligent, polite, and what not. :3)

(ooc: Takes place not too long after this. Hurr.)

*Caboose, after realizing that opposite week doesn't necessarily apply to the physical setting, is making his way back up the stairs to his room. Earlier, he had thought that the floors have changed in the opposite manner. So knowing that his room was in the third floor, that means it would have been on the first! ... except it wasn't. Too bad he didn't figure that out a few days before. The whole time, he had been sleeping in the library.

But now the thought finally catches up to him, Caboose just wants to go back to his room and tend to Shelly's snail needs. He makes his way to the second floor to notice a elf-black-thing-person sleeping on the stairs.*

Oh, good bye! Did you find your room like I did? Well, my room was never found, I just thought it was. I have very good memory sometimes. But I think you should lose your room, because it's more scary than sleeping out here.

*Caboose gives Pharaun (whom he has spoken to once, but never met) a shake but when he doesn't get a reply from him, he shakes him again. And again. And again. Then it occurs to him that from the bruises and broken bones that this guy miiiiiight be dead.

To make sure, he gives him another shake. No response again.*

I guess it's only right if I don't bury him! *Caboose effortlessly lifts Pharaun over his shoulder, finding the drow to be very light. Not that he's complaining. He doesn't like to carry things if they are heavy- even for him.

By the fourth step of the stairs, Caboose already trips, dropping Pharaun's body so he could grab onto the railing to keep himself from falling. As he watch Pharaun's body fall to the first floor, he stays still and remains quiet to see if anyone heard that. No one came, so he assumes it's safe to move.*

Everyone saw it. It's not okay.

*He picks up Pharaun's even-more-bruised-body and safely (and occasionally, accidentally hitting Pharaun's head against the corners) outside of the House. He goes to the area just out of the woods and to the nearest tree. He sets Pharaun's body down by the tree and runs to he garden to grab a big shovel. He makes his way back and digs a hole in front of the tree. He never dug a proper grave up by himself though, so he's not sure how deep he should go.

After digging enough that the hole was taller than him (about 7 1/2 feet), the Blue figures that it was deep enough. He climbs up and gently drops (as gentle as it can be) Pharaun's body in the hole.

When they had buried Church and Tex back at the Blood Gulch outpost, Caboose remembers the eulogy that he gave (something he was very proud of).

Maybe I won't do that again! *He cheerfully clears his throat, propping the shovel in front of him as he toggles his voice option and speaks.*

"I did not have a dream! That we are not gathered here today to celebrate the life of... this guy! I'm sure it's not a girl. And the separation of... this guy! And... and... "

*He's used to giving eulogies for two people.*

"Dirt! This... guy and dirt, in limited sadness together... speak later! Or never, rest in chaos! With liberty... and justice... for NONE! Once upon a time!"

*After a brief moment of silence, Caboose shoves all the dirt he had dug up and neatly pats the dirt so the "grave" would be smooth. He feels bad that he can't provide a tombstone, so he sticks the shovel over the dirt and walks back to his room, VERY proud of himself that he has done something for someone that died. And for once, it's not his fault! Though what Caboose doesn't know is that he just buried an unconscious person alive.

-2 team kills, Caboose.*

This is going to be a bad day!

Good bye everyone! Church, I just wanted to say that you are my worst enemy. Ever. Of all time...? *Confused.* I hate your guts.

Wait! I meant that!

Wow, this is very normal!

Sad opposite day everybody!

Um... who is Bel...feh...gooooor? Bel...

*Excited!* My partner is the Fresh Prince of Bel Air?!

(ooc: Just a notice, I took Caboose up to the latest episode of Recreation, which is episode 4 so far. There's not much change in his personality- let alone his intelligence, but story wise... pretty big, I guess.)

*Caboose doesn't remember being in a bed. Caboose certainly does not remember being in a really big and nice looking House. Unless this is a game show, but the Blue private can't recall signing up for one.+*

Actually... shouldn't Muffin Man be the one lying down? Oh, no... *He looks around and under his bed and every corner of the room.* ... where's... *He gives up in his search for Epsilon and sits on the bed again.* It's gone! *He shakes his head, clearly disappointed and upset.* Now I will never be able to have a best friend again! Think of all the good times we could've had... I could try not to accidentally kill you with a tank... we could have talked about how much we like eggs...

... eggs.

*He sits up from his bed and sees the beds, indicating that he has roommates. Is this a college? Suddenly, Caboose finds himself hungry.*

If this is a college, then that means there's a cafeteria! I think I will go make myself a sandwich. That'll make me feel a little better. Maybe it is around here somewhere.

*Caboose leaves his room and walks around, witnessing strange looking people fighting strange looking monsters and even other people. He manages the avoid the chaos, as those who are fighting are too absorbed in trying to defeat their opponent. Caboose just wants food. And his best friend, but something tells him finding Epsilon won't happen here. That's probably his stomach, because this Blue is hungry.

He finally finds the empty kitchen and looks through the fridge, delighted that not only there is already a premade sandwich in there, but also orange juice! But the delight is short lived when he hears the door slamming rather loudly behind him. Whoever that is, they must be really reall-*

"Blarg!"
"Blarg!"
"Honk blarg!"

*Caboose looks at them in amazement. Aliens! Lots of them! And they are all in different colors. Red, blue, orange, lightish-red...

Despite the rainbow filled greeting, the aliens are hostile and angry for whatever reason. They aim their battle rifles at Caboose, uttering some "blargs" and "honks" and Caboose realizes that they are not nice. And they smell.*

Uh... don't worry about me! I... *Caboose instinctively grabs his assault rifle.* ... am just here for the food!

*Not too long after that, the aliens open fire. Caboose finds cover behind a counter and blindly fires back, managing to take down one or two of the aliens but a few more would eventually come and take their place. Not sure about what to do, Caboose attempts to talk to them.*

If this is about CrunchBite then I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault! It was Wyoming's! He blew him up! He's the guy in white! But I think he died so nevermind!

*This doesn't stop the firing though, as one of the aliens ridicules the refrigerator with bullets, shattering the orange juice and other yummy edibles inside.

( Caboose beats up aliens a little. As in killing them. )

(ooc: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LENGTH! ;_;

+He thought he was in a game show the first time he arrived here.)

*Caboose is in the woods. Alone. He has no idea how he got here but he definitely does not like it. This isn't as bad as the swamps where he and a few others were stuck in. His job was to keep watch. Caboose can watch. Watching is easy. You just keep your eyes on what you are supposed to watch.

This is different. This time, he is not keeping a look out for someone else (because there isn't anyone else that he can see), instead, he has to watch himself. Caboose can't do that too well. For one thing, Shelly is missing. Another thing is that he is in his casual clothes instead of his armor, so good bye sense of safety. Another thing that adds to that first thing, is that he is alone.

Caboose hates being alone.

So to cope, whoever can hear him will hear some singing and humming and the occasional yell for someone.*

Is any body here? Or there! Or up there? Or if you really like the dirt... *He bends down.* ... down there?

*He raises his voice this time into the device to emphasize his fear.* BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE BEING OUT IN THE WOODS BY MYSELF! I LIKED IT WHEN IT WAS A PARTY!

MR. TALKING CAT, WHERE ARE YOU? CHURCH? CHURRRRCH! IF I KEEP YELLING, COULD YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP SO I WOULD KNOW THAT YOU ARE HERE SOMEWHERE? CHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRCH!

*Caboose is in the third floor hallway, attempting to grab his pet slug, Shelly, who is floating a few feet away from him.*

Almost there, Shelly. Quick! Do a butterfly stroke!

*Of course, a slug cannot perform such a feat but somehow, the two are getting closer and closer to each other, much to Caboose's glee.*

Yay! ... oh... wait... hey... Shelly, that's the wrong way!

*The Blue soldier looks up as his slug friend lands on the ceiling.*

No fair, Shelly. I don't have Spider-Man's powers to climb wa---!!

*Gravity kicks back in, causing Caboose to fall on his back with a thump. Shelly is still on the ceiling because, obviously, she has awesome slug powers.*

Ow. *He looks up again at the slug, folding his arms and crossing his legs.* Okay, fine. I'll wait here until you feel like getting dowwww-!

*And gravity is gone! Caboose finds himself floating up again, this time hitting the ceiling and narrowly missing Shelly by an inch.*

Oh, that was close. I could have squished you there! But now... I feel really dizzy. *He widens his eyes as he looks around, gathering what few senses he has left. After he's done, he grins again.*

Okay, I'm better now. Shelly, I'll wait here until you feel like coming down. Without hurting my head this time.

Canon: "Today, I accidentally blew up my best friend with a tank. F... HL. Yes, FHL." (Fuck his life...?)

TV-related: "Today, I thought my pet slug died. But it turned out she was outside camping with the best friend I killed. LMF!" (Love my life!)

It is... very hot.

But at least I managed to get to the bathroom. :D

*With this crazy weather going on, Caboose is glad that he still is wearing his armor. But he SO did not expect the wind to be strong enough to actually blow him back. Right now, he is struggling to reach to the men's restroom only to be blown back a couple of feet. He starts again and gets blown back. Starts again, gets blown back etc.*

I need... to pee... before... going... *He nearly grabs the door knob but gets blown back. He tries again, of course.* ... to Kansas!!

*Caboose is in the kitchen with a white towel in hand. He finds the microwave and smiles brightly from inside his helmet. He puts the towel in and heats it up for about a minute. He takes it out and grins. He just invented a way to make a warm towel!*

THIS IS THE BEST IDEA, EVER! OF ALL TIME!

*In pure glee, he puts the warm towel on his... helmet.*

... oh yeah. I'm in armor. Why would I need to?

*He goes over to the table and takes his helmet off. The chilly feeling is short lived by the greetings of warmth from the awesome towel.*

I am so smart. Aren't I, Shelly? *He cocks his head to the side, where his slug friend is resting on his shoulder.*

(ooc: I ACTUALLY DO THIS IF IT REALLY GETS THAT COLD. IT'S HELPFUL WHEN YOU'RE STAYING IN A HOTEL THAT DOESN'T LET YOU CONTROL THE AC. 8D Just don't leave it in too long or your white towel will look like a dalmatian.)

I'm b-b-b-b-back! And it's s-s-s-snowing! Is it Christm-m-m-mas time already?! I love Christmas!

C-c-c-Church! Are you back too?